The Choices We Make
by Phoenix Dayze
Summary: Cloud's dream's change. How far will he go? What will he sacrifice? How much wll he risk? And will he come out in one piece? But most importantly, can Zack save Cloud from his worst enemy, himself? And then there's Sephiroth to consider...
1. Beautiful Dreamer

The Choices We Make  
By: Phoenix Dayze

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy. Pity that.

Part One: Dreamer

Cloud smiled to himself as he watched Zack practice, the agile speed, the smooth motions of his sword, the beautiful, honed weapon that his body became. It was breathtaking, and it was everything that Cloud wanted to be. He closed his eyes and sighed and ran a weary hand through his hair. Sadly, he knew he'd never be that good. At the rate he was going, he'd be lucky if he even made SOLDIER. But he had to.

Opening his eyes, he focused on Zack again. Yes. Failure wasn't an option, not anymore. If he failed, he'd be sent away, and he'd lose the only thing that had ever been important to him. Zack. Not that Zack was his to lose, but he wanted him to be. Would give almost anything to be able to crawl into Zack's warm embrace and escape from the world, to be able to disappear in the blissful distraction of Zack's skin.

Cloud felt a blush rising to his cheeks, and he quickly averted his eyes. He'd never really had those kinds of thoughts before meeting Zack, never really thought about anything sexual at all, much less desired it. But with Zack… Cloud swallowed. With Zack Cloud wanted…he wanted… Well, that was just it. He wanted. But Zack was so perfect, so strong and focused, and Cloud didn't see why anyone, much less a SOLDIER like Zack, would ever want to take him as a lover. He was pretty enough in the face, he supposed, a little too feminine for his taste, but he was short, and because of his age, he hadn't filled out yet, still scrawny and not overly muscled. At least, he hoped it was because of his age.

He was clumsy, he over-slept, he could barely manage to speak to anyone, and he was completely worthless in anything based on size, strength, or tactics. Why _would_ anyone want him? He was a First Class fuck-up! Even in his hometown he'd been despised! Zack would never…

"Hey, why're you being such a mope?"

Cloud jumped, startled, and looked up into Zack's smiling face, his eyes questioning. Small rivulets of sweat were running down Zack's face, sliding, sliding…down his cheeks, over his chin, down his neck, and into his shirt, where…_god_…

A hand waved in front of his face. "Yoohoo, Zack Fair calling Cloud Strife. Where'd you go, man?"

Cloud shook himself out of his trance, looked at Zack, _really_ looked at him, and smiled weakly. "I'm…not a mope." He answered sullenly.

"Oh, really?" Zack's voice was warm, playfully serious. "Then what's this all about?" He thumbed Cloud's bottom lip. "Looks like Mope City to me."

Choking back the shock of arousal that bolted through him at the intimate contact, Cloud gently smacked Zack's hand away. "It's nothing. I was just…thinking about home."

Zack nodded then, apparently satisfied. "Well," he said after a moment, "Stop it. You're throwing off my balance."

"What?"

Zack grinned. "Didn't you know? My performance is rigged to directly correlate with your happy bar?"

Cloud felt confused, and more than a little worried. "Happy bar?"

Zack nodded. "Yep. Every time you get all sullen on me, the levels shift, and I fall over." He knocked Cloud in the shoulder with an easy fist. "So like I said, stop it, okay?"

Cloud pursed his lips a bit, and looked a little shifty. Then, after a long moment, he said, "You know, if you reversed the flow so that you were working off my angst bar instead, you'd be set."

Zack stared at him for a long moment before bursting out laughing. He settled himself next to Cloud and slung an arm over the boy's shoulder, ruffling madly at his hair. "You know, Spikey," he drawled, "you're one damn fine lad!" He hugged him close for a second, then eased up, giving Cloud some breathing room. "And don't you fucking dare ever let anyone tell you any different!"

----------------------------

Zack sighed happily as he dropped Cloud back at his barracks. The boy really was adorable! And he didn't even know it. But Zack knew, and it had a funny way of making his heart clench up every time he saw him. He'd been hooked ever since the first time he looked into those impossibly blue eyes. And since then, he'd done nothing but grow fonder by the day. Needless to say Zack's patience were at their wit's end, standing on their last leg, at the end of their rope…he was really, really horny. No, that sounded to crude to be associated with Cloud. He desperately needed to get the boy into bed. No, that wasn't right either. He wanted… He… Goddamn it, he needed to get fucking laid! Soon! With Cloud! That about summed it up.

He let his shoes scuff the sidewalk as he made his back to his room. The truth of it was, he loved Cloud too much to do anything. He'd never loved anyone before, and he didn't want to screw up. But more than that, he didn't want to hurt Cloud. And he could tell that Cloud wasn't ready yet. But to be fair, it would be hard for Cloud to tell him when he _was_ ready, if Zack never got up the nerve to confess his feelings. But the problem with that was, Cloud was studying for his SOLDIER exams, working like his life depended on it, and to throw this at him now would just be an unnecessary distraction. And that wouldn't be fair to Cloud either. Perhaps…after the exam…

Zack nodded emphatically to himself as he swiped his keycard at the sensor. "That should be good. I'll tell him then."

"Tell who what?"

Zack turned, and gave Sephiroth a hearty wave. "I was just thinking about Cloud." He held the door opened and waited to see if Sephiroth was coming in.

"Strife? He's taking the exams in a few weeks, isn't he?" Sephiroth eyed Zack carefully as he passed him, stepping into the hall. "What are you going to tell him?"

Zack shook his head. "Uh uh uh." He wagged his finger at the General as though he were a naughty child. "I can't tell you that. It's a secret."

Sephiroth frowned. "I thought we didn't have any secrets?"

"We don't. It's just…" Zack trailed off, not sure what to say. He didn't want to _lie_ to Seph, not even by omission, but he didn't want to reveal his little crush just yet either. At least not until he'd had time to talk to Cloud about it. "Seph, I…"

"It's alright." Sephiroth interrupted him. "I understand."

"No," Zack said lowly, "you don't."

"No." Sephiroth put a light hand against Zack's arm. "But I know you." He paused, then, "It's alright."

Zack nodded. "I'm sorry, okay? It's nothing bad, and I want to tell you, it's just… I need to know something first."

"Zack," Sephiroth chided him gently, "stop being such a child. All men have secrets."

"I guess so. I wonder…" Zack shook his head at Sephiroth's questioning stare. "Never mind."

--------------------------------

Cloud kicked off his shoes and flopped down on his bunk. He really needed a shower, but he was too tired at the moment. All he wanted to do right now was lay here and think about Zack. About his skill. About his strength. About the arm pressing against his should, the fingers pulling through his hair, the steady bumbumbum of Zack's heart when the man hugged him close. Zack's scent lingered in his nose. He wanted so much to be able to return those touches, to make Zack feel loved and appreciated, to press close, touch, claim, kiss, explore, pleasure, sate…

Glancing around to make sure he wouldn't bother anyone, Cloud let his hand drift down to the little problem between his thighs. He brushed his fingers over himself lightly, making himself shiver. He really needed this. Popping the button on his pants, Cloud slid his hand inside and wasted no time in grasping himself firmly. He had to bite back a gasp at the sharp pleasure that assailed him as he began to move his hand along his shaft, slowly at first, then with increasing speed.

Visions of Zack played in his head, taking on dirtier connotations of themselves, fueling Cloud's wayward desires. His hips rocked, hard and steady, thrusting him up into his hand. Zack's eyes. Zack's mouth. Zack's hands…oh, yes! Right there! Don't stop, Zack! Don't stop! Love you…

Cloud came hard, barely choking back Zack's name. Heart pounding, Cloud rolled himself onto his side, burying his face in his pillow. Hot tears poured from his eyes, one physical release triggering another. _Can't you see, Zack? You're my dream now. Not SOLDIER. You…_

Tbc…


	2. Unusually Unusual

The Choices We Make  
By: Phoenix Dayze

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy or its characters. Sadly.

Cloud stared at the paper in his hand, a thousand things bolting through his head at once. But one solitary word stood out among all the others. _No…_ But…yes. There it was in black and white.

_Prvt. Cloud J. Strife  
__Age:--15  
__Born ----, 08, 19  
__Hght:--5'4"  
__Wght:--129 lbs  
__Hair:--blond  
__Eyes:--blue_

_**Test Scores:**_

Physical:--87  
_Cadet excels in speed and agility. Aptitude in strength based drills tbd._

_I.Q.:--93  
__Strong sense of scenario ethics and tactic based supposition._

_Mako:--FAILED  
__Not recommended for SOLDIER due to adverse reactions to test dosage._

_Not recommended for SOLDIER. _Cloud swallowed hard. He wouldn't cry. All that work. All the training, the late night studying, the bruises and sore muscles and weariness, for what? Absolutely shit-nothing. That's what. How could he have failed his Mako test? That was just…just…stupid. If you didn't make SOLDIER, it was supposed to be because you weren't strong enough, or smart enough, not because you couldn't handle the Mako! How did that even happen?

Cloud crumpled the page between his fingers. Anger, pain, and crushing aimlessness quivered along his nerves. It wasn't fair! He couldn't fail! He had to make SOLDIER! He had to! And technically he _had_. All his _other_ test scores indicated that. But now he was going to be kicked out, was going to lose his dream, because he couldn't handle the enhancements? No fucking way!

Just then, one of his squad-mates ran by, clapping him heartily on the shoulder. "Saw your test scores, man. Way to go!"

It took a moment for Cloud to register why the man was congratulating him. _Nobody knows that I failed. That's right. Only the physical and mental test results are posted. The Mako tests are handled by Professor Hojo, rather than Lazard. The results are only released to the individual concerned and applicable personages of higher rank on a need to know basis. _Cloud pondered this, a small shred of hope needling into his brain. No one knew. So that meant that, most likely, Zack didn't know. There was no reason to release his Mako test results to a Second Class who wasn't professionally linked with him.

Maybe he could fix this. Find a way to stay, to keep Zack from ever knowing how pathetic he really was. Somehow…he had to. Maybe… Maybe Sephiroth could help him. Zack always told him what a good man Sephiroth was, that he was a good friend. Or maybe he could just sell his soul to the devil. Anything was better than facing Zack and telling him that he was leaving because he'd been born…_wrong_.

Sticking his test results deep in his pocket, and teeming with resolve, Cloud set off in search of the General.

--------------------------

Sephiroth drummed his fingers along the hard, wooden surface of the table. Zack certainly was acting peculiar of late. He hoped the boy wasn't coming down with something. Zack was getting too close to his goal of attaining First Class to afford to fall behind on account of illness. Although he couldn't understand why it was that Zack would _want_ to be a SOLDIER 1st at all. All it meant was more work, more responsibility, and more people you had to suck up to. And none of those things were things Zack proved particularly strong in. Of course, as a First, Zack would get to work with Sephiroth much more often, so maybe that was it.

Zack, for whatever reason, had decided that they were best friends. While Sephiroth didn't truly grasp the deeper meanings of friendship, he appreciated the concept, and comparatively, Zack was much more easily tolerated than anyone else he had the misfortune of associating with, so he conceded Zack's claim to be friends without complaint.

But Zack had been keeping a lot of secrets lately. Secrets that made him restless and distracted, and often seemed to revolve around his young friend Private Strife. Sephiroth had been keeping an eye on Strife for the last few weeks, but he couldn't find anything in his behavior, or his file that might explain why Zack was so preoccupied. Aside from an unusually high streak of determination, there was nothing remarkable about the boy, and he appeared harmless enough. But as the weeks passed, Zack seemed to being growing more agitated with something, and Sephiroth just couldn't manage to put his finger on it. Were he capable of getting frustrated, Sephiroth was sure that he would be. The strange uncertainty that rippled beneath the surface of Zack's cheerful façade was…straining.

With a heavy exhale, Sephiroth picked up his glass and took a sip of his Brandy. Thinking about Zack made him tired. Maybe he should just call it a night…

The loud banging on his door took a moment to register. Who the hell knocked like that? At this time of night? On _his_ door? Setting his drink back on the table, Sephiroth rose to his feet and crossed over to the door, unlatching it, and opening it and looking out. Needless to say, he was not prepared for what he saw.

Cloud Strife was soaked to the bone, smeared with dirt, and looked like he was about to cry. Holding the door open, Sephiroth did the only thing he could do, he let the boy in.

Once the door was closed and locked, Sephiroth turned and studied him. He waited for Cloud to tell him _why_ he was _here_ of all places, but the boy just stood there, silently watching him. It was a little unnerving. "Private Strife…if you don't mind, why are you… Well, pretty much just why?"

Cloud fished around in his pocket and pulled out the now damp and smudged form and pressed it into the General's hand. He couldn't bring himself to look at Sephiroth's face as he read it, not wanting to see the disappointment that was bound to be there. Sephiroth was silent for a long moment, then,

"I see." He gave Cloud a pointed look. "I'm afraid I fail to see the relevance this bears to the fact that you're standing in my apartment right now."

Cloud looked up then, eyes shining with pain, hope, and that ever-present determination. "Because, General, I need your help…"

--------------------------

"So essentially what you're telling me, Private," Sephiroth laid out, "is that you wish for me to alter your test results, make excuses to my superiors, and lie to everyone I have the unfortunate privilege of working with. So that you can stay in a position that you physically can't move forward in? Is that correct? Or did I misunderstand your intentions somehow?"

Cloud swallowed, his head ducking a bit between his narrow shoulders. "Um… Yessir, that _was_ my request, Sir."

Sephiroth quirked an eyebrow. Well the boy certainly wasn't shy, despite his timid appearance and demure attitude. For a person who seemed so determined to make it on his own speed and who'd worked as hard as Cloud apparently had, Sephiroth was surprised that the boy could bring himself to ask for any sort of favor, much less a flat out request for unorthodox favoritism. It must be a matter that outweighed pride for him to be so willing to lay his reputation aside.

Gesturing to the sofa next to him, Sephiroth waved Cloud over. "Please, sit. I prefer to keep formality at a minimum in my rooms. Your standing over me is rather taxing." When Cloud made no move to sit down, Sephiroth felt a light frown tugging at his mouth. "Private?"

"Forgive me, Sir." Cloud said tightly, a tinge of red rising to his cheeks. "I…I didn't…want to make a mess, Sir."

Sephiroth's eyes traveled over Cloud's body, really taking in the muddy, waterlogged clothing clinging to the boy's frame. He also noticed that Cloud was shivering. "My apologies, Private." He said, rising to his feet. "I was…unaware of your discomfort. Follow me. We shall resume our discussion once you've cleaned up."

He led Cloud down the hall and into his bedroom. Cloud gulped noticeably and Sephiroth couldn't repress a smirk. For some reason, his bedroom always came off as intimidating to visitors, as few and far between as they might be. "Don't worry." Sephiroth said. "I don't bite, or whatever it is you're supposed to say in a moment like this."

Cloud shrugged, a bit self-consciously. "I think…you're supposed to add, 'unless you want me to'."

Sephiroth turned to stare at him for a moment, a quizzical look passing over his face. "You don't say?"

Cloud nodded sheepishly. "I've heard that."

"Huh." Sephiroth pondered that for a second. "Sounds like something Fair would say." At Cloud's amused huff, Sephiroth turned back to the matter at hand. Stepping into the over-sized closet, he rummaged around for a minute before returning with a pair of jeans and a black tank-top slung over his arm. He handed them to Cloud.

"They're Zack's." He answered Cloud's questioning stare. "I've learned that it's in my best interest to keep an extra set of clothes available. One never knows what mischief he'll get into."

Cloud knew that was true enough, but the fact that Zack had clothes in _Sephiroth's _closet, the varying situations that could entail Zack being naked here… The fact that they were that close…it brought a painful lump of jealousy to his throat. He worked on choking it back as Sephiroth directed him to the shower and explained to him the intricacies therein. And then, he was alone. Alone in the Silver General's bathroom.

Trying not to make too much of a mess, Cloud stripped off his clothes and put them in a pile in the corner. He looked at himself in the mirror. Make that _naked_ in Sephiroth's bathroom. Cloud shook his head, running a hand through his hair. _What a day._

Tbc…


End file.
